Sheep happens.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

28-09-08

That was a hell of a good time. I'm not too sure I deserved it, but in the end..

F1 WAS THE BOMB. (pictures coming soon)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Setting Sun

What happened to the promise we made? I remember where, and when, and why we made that promise to each other. It was just right there, at the bottom of the steps where we used to sit side by side every night without fail. The scene replayed itself in my head in a manner disturbingly similar to a broken television set. Details were blurred and distorted, with nothing in focus but our hands, locked tight in a grip which seemed unbreakable then. Then. A week which took years to pass me by. Then. A week which left me wondering if time did multiply for her; if I meant as much to her as she did to me.

I choose to believe that she was forced to leave, that she still loved me like she did that night a week ago. I could see it in her eyes when she said those words. How beautiful they were, eyes that shone with more grace than the shimmering moonlight; eyes that sparkled limitless radiance, oh how the stars paled in comparison. She gave colour to my world, she gave me the will to live. She gave me treasure beyond what can be found within the realms of this material world, even only for a fleeting moment in my life. Now it is gone, she is gone, how do I carry on a meaningless existence? How do I escape from a trap that I had set for myself?

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She walked as if she was floating, in from the park entrance where we first met. I could see her form approaching; white dress, flowing black hair and a smile that could tame the wildest of creatures. I can still hear the sound of her footsteps in my head, as soft as a whisper, yet she moved with uncanny swiftness while managing to appear as graceful as she could be- as graceful as any human being would ever be capable of. I remember the wonder I felt there and then, and each and every time I catch a glimpse of her. My heart would always miss a beat, or appear to, and I would either be reduced to gawking or severe stomach cramps.

She settled beside me, patting my back to aid my recovery process. My reaction always made her laugh, for she never believed that she was as beautiful as I saw her. By 'beautiful', I mean both inside and outside. She was always the first one to volunteer to help an old lady cross the street, the first one to give up a seat on the bus for a pregnant woman, or even when it comes to distributing food for the beggars in our residential area. She even set up a shelter for these beggars and their families, all for free. Personally, I had never believed that such a person existed until I met her.

"Better now?"

Her voice was softer than the gentle breeze in my face. I looked up at her. That brilliant smile.

"Yeah. Lots better. Geez.."

Another smile.

"You'd better learn to control that body of yours, you're going to get a stroke or something one of these days and I sure don't have the strength to carry you to the hospital.."

(Oh come on, you beat a gangster up on your own the other day. Your body must be like, 100% muscle and no fat.)

"Alright I'll try, girl, but it sure is no mean feat if you see what I see.. What's up since yesterday? Everything going good?"

I caught a glimpse of what looked like a trace of worry on her face.

"Nah, everything's good with me. The shelter's been vandalized though.. The rich kids next door must have done it.. Just wait till I catch them red-handed.."

She stopped and looked up at the sky. The low drone in which she spoke was uncharacteristic of her.

"I love the moon. If she was a human she'd be dead pretty."

"Not as pretty as you."

"Quit it."

"All hail the Princess."

She shrugged.

Silence.

"I wonder what the Earth will be like without the moon."

"One less competitor for you, girl."

"I said quit it, boy."

"Thy humble servant taketh thy order with joy, Princess."

"I wonder what'll happen if one day the Sun did not set."

"Girl, there's a balance for everything, see. There are guys, there are gonna be girls. There's good, there's bound to be evil. There's day, there's bound to be night, girl. No one's changing that."

"Well, I was just wondering.."

"Anyway girl, you're sure that's all that's bothering you? Because girl, your eyes are telling me a different story."

Those eyes looked straight into mine and she pulled me into an embrace. I almost died- it was the first time she ever gave me a hug.

"That's all. That's all. Just the shelter and the Sun. We've got nothing more to worry about, boy."

Her voice quivered slightly. Was she on the verge of tears? Thank God I found my voice.

"You sure, girl? Look, I'm here with you, I could help you out. Even if I can't do much, girl, we can work together and figure things out, okay?"

"Promise me, boy, promise me. You'll be there when I need you? You'll be there when I call, anytime, anywhere? Promise me you'll think of me when you see the stars up in the sky like they are now?"

"Do you love me, girl?"

She blushed, her cheeks were a shade of colour in the dark of the night.

"Yeah," she said as she loosened herself from the embrace and turned to hold my hand, "I love you more than anyone I've ever loved in my whole life, boy."

"Ditto, girl. Ditto."

She smiled again.

"I love you, boy."

"Promise me you'll stay close and always love me like you're loving me now, and I'll say yes."

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It seemed like the end of the world.

She was nowhere to be found; her "office", the shelter, the park, or even anywhere in the neighbourhood. All the people from the shelter assisted in the search, but no, she was nowhere to be found. The only trace of her departure was an envelope in the shelter "office" addressed to me, containing a watch with a Sun motif and enough money to keep the shelter going for years, and a note which read: "Had to leave. Don't know when I'll be back. Watch is for you. Money's for the poor, shelter's in your charge now boy, please run it well. Sorry." I was devastated, and apparently I wasn't the only one. She was well-liked by many, and of course highly respected by the people living in the shelter. The shelter was now devoid of any vibrancy, a stark constrast to the usual plethora of activity.

Why leave? Why now? Why me?

I could not take my mind off her. Every moment was filled with the emptiness that tags along with the sense of loss. The pain only got worse at night, when I look up and see the stars shining arrogantly in the sky, as if they had managed to get rid of the only beauty that surpassed theirs. The moon shone with a sinister glow, flooding the land with the painfully dim illumination. Seven nights have passed since her departure, but the pain had not yet subsided, nor had it lessened in any way. I could do nothing but stare at the watch and gather memories of her; her soft hair, her warm hands, her scent...

(If she loved me, she would have at least told me where she was going.)

"Promise me you'll stay close..." I muttered under my breath.

(If she loved me, she would have kept the promise she made.)

"Damn..."

(She has her reasons, boy, she has her reasons.)

"What would make her leave like that?.."

(If she had good reasons she would have told you, boy, or at least called you.)

"Come back, girl.. Please.."

(You know she won't. You know she won't.)

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It hurts.

The pain of leaving was beyond description.

I'm sorry for leaving you, boy.

I'm sorry, everyone.

I'll come back as soon as I can.

I don't know if I can go back.

I don't know if I can make it back alive.

I want to see you one more time before I lose my chance.

I love you, boy.

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She had not contacted anyone within the area.

I would walk out to the park every night and sit down where we used to sit, even in the rain. Exactly three hundred and sixty-five days have passed since she left, and the pain still remains somewhere within me. It grew unbearable at times, but I had to carry on running the shelter for her, in hopes that she might one day come back to run it again.

"One year's gone.."

I felt the emptiness welling up inside me.

"Hey man, get the rest to help out with dinner, won't you? I'm going to the park till late, so you guys carry on alright? I'll be fine."

"Aye aye, captain." The assistant replied with a chuckle.

I looked at my watch- the watch that she gave me- and let out a long sigh. 4pm. I guess I'll just stay in the park to watch the sunset. Somewhere inside me, I couldn't help but hope that she'd just come walking back with a grin and tell me that this was all a major joke to test my commitment to her, and that she was only taking a year-long break, impossible as it seems.

It was the longest wait in my entire life.

I sat there thinking about the past, about the present and about the future. What would I do if she did not come back today? Where will I be one year later? Would I be sitting here with the same wishes and hopes? Would the pain be gone? I didn't know the answer to any of these questions I asked myself...

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It was the night when the Sun did not set.

(Impossible.)

"It's... 9pm."

("Well, I was just wondering..")

"The moon should have been up two hours ago.."

("I wonder what'll happen if one day the Sun did not set.")

"Why is the Sun in the same position as it was at 4pm?.."

("I wonder what the Earth will be like without the moon.")

"Is she coming back?.."

("I love you, boy.")

I could feel her nearby. She had to be nearby. I could smell her scent. I could feel her presence.

I ran as fast as I could, back to the shelter, and there she was; just that it wasn't what I wanted to see. Screams greeted me as my assistant tried to keep the people away from her.

"There... you... are..."

She was lying on the ground, scars all over her bare skin and hardly any life left in her.

I embraced her, and I could think of nothing then and there. Only to hold her tight and never let go.

"I'd... never thought... I... ugh... could... live... to see... this... day..."

I bawled like a kid.

(Please don't go, girl. No, not again. Don't leave me.)

"Sorry... I... had... to... go..."

(No, I won't let you go now. Not now.)

"I... love... you... boy..."

(I love you too. More than anyone I've ever loved in my whole life, girl.)

I held her as tight as I could, as if I could hold on to the life that was leaving her body.

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Been a while since I wrote anything, really. So I decided to take some time out for reader-satisficing (haha yh). I probably will begin blogging again. Ohwell. I realized that I love writing too much to give it up. Gee. If only I'm half as good at writing as I'm good at slacking.

Has everyone been alright? I've lost touch with a lot of people due to my absence from the online community, haven't been online for about two months now? Maybe more. I'd lost count of the days. I just stopped blogging and using MSN one day.

Alright, short message here, but I sincerely hope that everyone has been doing fine and coping well. Looking forward to get in touch with you all again (: