Sheep happens.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Be Strong!

I feel the distance growing and growing every single day even though I'm doing all I can to pull the rope back. Guess any amount of force can't keep the rope from shifting though.. God's the one controlling it. All I can do is try, and I'll keep trying to no end and be glad that the rope is still there. May He give me the strength to hold on.

No emo, no happy. No suffering, no gratification. No challenges, no achievement.

No turbulence, no friendship.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Lord is the Focus

Nothing is impossible with Lord God Almighty in the driver's seat. Nothing and nothing. I must live with the thought in my head. Whatever road the Lord drives me through, rocky or broken, I will eventually still end up wherever He intends me to go.

Crucified,
Laid behind a stone.
He lived to die,
Rejected and alone,
Like a rose,
Trampled on the ground.
You took the fall,
And you thought of me,
Above all.

How could I value He who took the fall for me lesser than earthly things? How could I forget?

Lord, help me live my life the way I should. Let me be content with whatever I have, and please do let me turn to you in every challenge I face in life. Take care of my family, my friends, my acquaintances, as you have taken care of them all this while. But yet not my will be done, but Yours Oh Lord, You who are Sovereign and Mighty. In the Lord's name I pray,

Amen.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Friendship

Its always just me in this room of mine, trying to do my work and simultaneously trying to check up on others and making sure they're fine. I don't know, it seems like I'm a self-appointed check-up-on-close-friends-many-times-a-day-or-emo machine. I don't know whether its of any use, or whether its going to make the other party's life nicer, but it sure is the only way I know to show my appreciation: by showing that I actually keep the person in mind.

I try my best, as I usually do with non-study aspects of life.

I realized that simply being there is a very passive form of friendship that is so difficult to maintain and grow. Togetherness (as put by Emmy buddy xD) plays a pivotal role in any friendship. We have to note that the word "togetherness" involves two parties, and that these two parties have to actually want each other's friendship. The relationship that they share must be something that they both treasure and would want to maintain. A friendship is a 2-player game like, say, tennis. The true satisfaction would come from playing the other player who has given his/her best to the game. You, of course, would have to give your best too.

A friendship is a co-op mission. When one side is down, the other side can't do much to win the game. I am glad that I have friends who care for me, who help me clear this game of life, stage by stage.

THANK YOU! :)

Enough said for now, though. I have physics tomorrow, last paper of the block test! Whee~

Saturday, March 22, 2008

GOLD

Okay SO. It's over after so many delays. Phew. The first gold I have tasted in 2 years since NUS open with Combined Schools. Well done HC dudes, please keep things going up, up and up. We knew we could do it, and we've done it. Great job.

I am batting 0.727 for the SRC tournament but gosh I struck out 3 times. I have to cut that number. Pitching-wise, other than OFS and ACS, I don't remember giving away any hits. Stupidly though, I gave an average of 1-2 walks a game. Not good. K-wise, I'm averaging about 4-5 a game, but that's not what matters. HC conceded 11 runs through 6 games when I pitched, all through errors. Another statistic we can work on.

Em buddy, I know you might be feeling pretty pissed that "chiobu"'s nagging you nonstop and getting on your nerves, but do understand that everyone has their reasons and their own worries to cope with, you and I too. It is only human to have flaws, right? Please pray, and I do hope God helps you to understand and see things better. You know I'm praying for you too :) Will see you soon okay?

For now, I gotta go study for physics. Urgh. Terrible, maybe I should just pon and make it a one-week holiday. HAHA.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Short post!

I asked God to give me what I deserve for the block tests, and ohboy do I know what I deserve. It has been the most difficult exams of my life so far, mostly due to chem. Praying that I can be strong and keep going in the face of adversity. Thanks Yeeching for all the encouragement! Thanks also Emerlyn buddy for your prayers! Thanks to everyone else who kept me in mind if there are any :)

God is the strength of my heart! I'll do what I can.. because I know You'll do what I can't!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Inspiration

The Bible:

Basic
Instructions
Before
Leaving
Earth

Why am I making it so difficult for myself when its all back to basics?

Friday, March 14, 2008

boom.

I can feel my heart stopping bit by bit. Maybe some terrorist should just come and plant a time bomb in me.

At least I'd learn my lesson before I die.

You Know.

Yeah you know. I hate this sinking feeling every single time I face that wall people place in front of me, knowingly or not. I hate the fact that I'm expected to do everything that nobody wants to. I hate the fact that I always have to be the bad guy just so that I can hold things together. I hate it when everything I do just goes along without any sign of fruition. I hate it when all that I do just seems so meaningless and useless. I hate partiality. I hate it how I can't stop being selfish for once. I hate it how my thoughts always turn to myself when all I'm doing is just trying to make others' lives better. I hate it when I can do nothing to help, when people don't even want me to be there. I hate it when I feel so despondent, useless, unloved. Empty, DAMNIT. Oh yes I know the feeling all too well. I have been trying to get rid of it, but no. It's not leaving. Somebody please. HELP. Ahhhhhhh. I'm too weak. No I'm not. I'm strong. I believe I can. Yes I can. Turn to God and I'll find the way. Maybe there's no way. I don't know. Yes I know. He will make a way where there seems to be no way. But that's just a song. Stop doubting and start believing you idiot. FINE. I'm emotionally unstable, maybe I should go find a doc. I'm fine. No I'm not. I'm fine. Okay good, now carry that burden on your shoulders and let's go. The road is long and the challenges are many.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

AWAKE! (again)

So it was another post which revealed another self-pitying portion of my inner state. Pretty much an impulsive act, but I will not delete it. I am me, and I have nothing to be ashamed of, even the worst of my weaknesses and insecurities...

I'm feeling pretty much revitalized after tuition, which is something that does not usually happen, if it ever happened at all. Now I know the MAIN culprit behind my emotional instability: my inadequacy in facing the challenges posed to me by my academic subjects. I am feeling SO much better now after learning my complex numbers... Phew. /z-a/ where z and a are complex numbers lalilalilalalala~

Thanks be to GOD for giving me another opportunity to learn! xD

The truth is,

I've never really felt that I ever mattered at all. I'm just another wave tossed around in the ocean, a vapor in the wind.

How could the insignificant I ever matter to anyone, or anything?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

BT: Block Tests

BT: Bukit Timah, Blue tulips, Bouncy Takoyaki, Burger Time, Bloody Tests.

I am halfway through giving up studying for block tests, which explains the fact that I am now blogging despite having so little time to study.

Another one of those times where everything I do bears no fruit at all, and all things seem meaningless. So many times I have felt this way and I do hope that I find an eternal solution to this problem I have at hand.

Anyway I just want to give thanks for people like Rachall Zanna Tay (yes I can't stand not typing your full name its too cool), Yeeching, etc etc for being there. Just the simple act of being there to want to listen and help, you don't know how much it means to this dude here...

Actually. Some kind of inspiration grabbed me while I'm typing this. Ahh. I'm going to give up on giving up. I'm going to study now. Seeya.

DIE BLOCK TESTS.