Sheep happens.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Take It or Leave It.

I, a lone warrior going against an army. I, a violinist attempting to outshine an orchestra. I, a mere ant struggling to bring an elephant down. I, a man desperate to defy the laws of Physics. I, a martyr of faith striving to change the world.

The sidewalk looked as desolate as ever, as the immaculate celestial bodies shimmered with dispiriting intensity. My feet felt debilitated as I slowed my pace, my spirits tumbling down from its pedestal within an instant. My feet could not carry me anymore as I fell to the ground, my all seeking hiatus from the agonizing present. Purpose no longer dwelled in me, banished from my inner being in the matter of seconds, only to be replaced with Helplessness and Grief. What was I helpless against? What was I grieving over? I knew the answers deep down, but choosing Denial was the easier way out.

Helplessness dwelled within me, and I sought Help. He could not bail me out of this predicament.

Grief inhabited my soul, and I shought Happiness. He could convince Grief to leave my abode.

In truth I knew that I was the obstacle to my eventual felicity, I knew it deep down but I could not do anything about it. Denial pushed me to the ground with a smirk on his face; he knew I could not face the truth. He knew that in truth anyone could bail me out of this predicament, but I was the large part of the predicament. I was my foe and I was my own impediment, but that was just the way things were. Plans to banish Denial from within soon blossomed within me.

To dethrone Denial, I needed Courage. Courage shunned me, because He knew of my cowardice and flaws.

To dethrone Denial, I needed Self-respect. Self-respect disowned me, for He knew all of my shameless deeds.

The plan was failing through and through, floundering like a finless shark in the crushing depths of the unforgiving sea. Desperation knocked umpteen times on my door, but I ignored His call. He, however, did not cease to call on my door. I searched and the answer was all-elusive. There was no way I could find it, unless the Answer comes knocking at my door.

Lo and behold, Hope came knocking first and I let Him stay in me, for He brought me an unceasing river of possibilities. I could not give up while Hope was still within the inner reaches of my soul.

Determination and Integrity came next, hand in hand, working within me with all their might. Hope was strengthened, and I felt strong. Stronger than ever before, but not invincible.

The job was completed through Love. Love brought me to face the truth and accept myself for who I am and what I have done. Love brought me to face my past.

So here I am, bare and trodden. This is what I am. Take it or leave it.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

post!

Okay I guess it's about time I got down to updating again, since it's my first weekday off from training.

Life in JC has become something slightly more enjoyable now that almost everything in school is peaceful other than some pretty annoying personalities. Professor Boh, Gay Hen and S^7 are pretty amusing during lessons, with special mention to Professor Boh who taught me special relativity in Din Tai Feng while sitting around. Gay Hen is nice in a laid back sort of way but well he's still nice in that sense. Who else would play hangman with me during chem lecture? The rest all counting the number of alrights... As for S^7, ohwell he doesn't need to do anything. It's pretty amusing just looking at his shamelessly sian face during lesson. LOL.

Softball has become a safe haven for me, one way or another. The "Chemistry" thing is getting on really well, while I have a new pitcher to back me up anytime. Softball always means a hiatus from the worries of my academic learning, which aids a lot in
my overall quality of life. SOL LOL you macroecons freaks!

I didn't mention it but my mortal (Dreamer on tagboard) found out my identity after the first letter, which was a real turn off. I am SO not going to find out who my angel is because I need a bit of anonymous concern in my life. Hahah.

I think I shall write a story soon. Maybe next post. It has really been a long while since I wrote something decent, so look forward to it! :) I have to take my leave now though. I need sleep! Badly. Rawr.

Thank God for weekends! xD

Friday, January 18, 2008

It makes sense now.

Everything is beginning to make sense now that the big picture is slowly revealing itself. Piece by piece the puzzle is arranging itself, and even from what I can see now, everything is worth all the trouble I have gone through. I see a clear path. I see the way lighted up by a beacon of certainty, and all I have to do is walk.

I passed my math lecture test! Oh man that's what I call a good start to the academic year, the assurance that some of the things that I have learnt last year are still inside my head. Phew. Press on everyone! 'A'levels is the target!

I have to lay down some guidelines in life for myself to follow, for there are too many instances of me directly defying my conscience and hurting my self-respect in the process. I am going to start anew and reconstruct the foundation that will hopefully take me through the rest of my life.

1. Do not ever care to any degree about what people think of you.

2. Take pride in every single piece of work you have touched.

3. Respect others, and how others treat you should not be a major concern.

4. Give way to others when you see fit.

5. Even if tomorrow all your friends and family left you to fend for yourself, or even if you're the last person left on earth, count your blessings.

6. Give thanks for the good and for the bad.

7. Learn from others because the you can never come up with the best answers all the time.

8. Shine the light, light the torch, spread the fire.

Let this be the start of a brand new Jo. Heh. Go learn the fac dance!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Pre-sleep-self-motivating post

Sleeping at 9pm and waking up at 4am to study before going to school. That's just my typical school day. It is tiring but I have no choice. I'd expected JC2 to be tough and there's no way I'm going to give up anytime soon.

Keep going!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Resolve.

Pressure is piling, stress is in. I'm not going to give up, damn it.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

School!

I still don't have my camera and that means no photos. Whee. I have missed so many picture perfect scenes that my deviantART account would probably have lost 10 zomg 11092834138 review deviations. Doesn't matter now though, what's done is done. These picture perfect scenes would just have to stay in my head. Pity the world can't see them.

Let's talk about school now. Its the second week of school and boy am I feeling tired. Lessons have mercilessly jumpstarted the day we first stepped into school and the oncoming school year just feels so ominous now. What with me forgetting most of the J1 subjects' syllabi and having to learn new topics as I go along with school. Yeah, I have been training every day other than Sunday and I think that got me sick, but I'm feeling much better now.

Having trained everyday other than Sunday, of course I have seen the J1s frolic around no matter rain or shine (they would have gotten themselves soaked either way) and thoroughly enjoying themselves. (of course, certain individuals are far from happy with their OG assignment, but its the class that matters really) I now think that orientation was just a mask to give us a good impression of JC life. It was fun though.

I realise that school and all its hustle has changed me, once again, back into the person I once was. It is indeed a difficult task to allow space for God when you're constantly doing work and training till you're almost half dead. I end up turning my back on myself, and the disappointment is unbearable.

Meeting with the junior class tomorrow. I don't know what they're like and I sure as heck hope they're within my scope of "okay" definitions. I know I shouldn't judge people like that but hey, don't we all want to have fun junior classes?

Okay that should be it for now, except for one argument to end it all the right way.

I D O N ' T L O O K L I K E M Y B R O T H E R. Period.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

December 2007

Hey people! I have returned from a well deserved, PS3-induced hiatus because school started and its such an anticlimax in my surprisingly colourful life over recent times. School has been a torture so far, even though there was nothing so tedious or arduous about it. The torture actually came from all the J1 people around, enjoying their orientation (yes, even on the first day with all the lame talks) and making me miss my own orientation so much. Where did all the orientation friends go? Those who had so much fun together with me as a group? PoorHC is the only school with full-council OGLs and I think that tradition sucks!

Already, the temptations have started to appear in my life. The temptation to swear out of peer pressure, the temptation of jealousy, the temptation of judging others, etc etc. It sure is hard being a human chasing after the ideals of Christianity. At least I know I'm trying, but its not enough for sure. I have been tested so many times but many times I end off disappointing myself deep inside, and probably God too. I know I am always in danger of doing the wrong thing, every second, every moment, but what can I do but pray? The heart and soul is willing, but the mind and flesh is weak.

I shall write about December 2007, one of the best months in my ephemeral but certainly slightly-more-than-negligible seventeen years of existence.

December started off as a holiday, which certainly meant that things could not possibly be too bad. The month kicked off ferociously , however, with one beautifully planned 'Synod Youth Camp 2007' which got me out of any previous pothole I was trapped in. New friends made, bonds strengthened and reinforced, I flew off to Indonesia with much reluctance to leave the newfound life in Singapore.

Back in Indonesia, I attended Sam's wedding celebrations. I did promise pictures but I'm going to post most of them at a later date as my dear brother has taken my camera with him to Bali. Here are some though! Click on the pics to enlarge.



















:D


Practise for our song item!





















Sitting around with my cousins..





















Photo at the party!


Beatboxed for the song item!

Okay that shall be it for now. Meanwhile, I have decided to end this post here. It shall be continued in the near future..