Sheep happens.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Library Updater

Another update in the ever-so-comfortable-and-welcoming depths of the library. It has been a long day for me, even though it is only 10.50am as I type this post. I have gone through two tests (physics lecture test and GP compre test) in the span of a mere few hours and I personally feel slightly drained, but still alive and ready for the rest of the day at any rate.

The past week has not been very productive for me, given that I have not finished my reading of "From the Corner of His Eye" by Dean Koontz. At this point, I suspect that little Bartholomew (before the age of 3) was talking about parallel worlds included in the theory of quantum physics. Daddy died here, but he didn't die every place I am. It's lonely for me here, but it's not lonely for me everywhere. Intriguing, and I would very much like to know how little Barty managed to walk drily in the rain. Lots of excitement ensues.

Wednesday would be the match against ACS(I), and I seriously do not know what to expect, really. Our batting has been way awesome when we place our focus on it, but well, I guess we will just have to perform on wednesday and make the best out of every opportunity available. The championship is still within our reach.

The topic for today shall be...

Laziness.

What is laziness? Laziness is a value intrinsic in human beings, and about as unavoidable as being born with a tongue. There are, of course, exceptions (because some people are born without tongues), but these are the misery minority of people. Most people are lazy and we have to accept that fact because most of the earth's population have tongues. Face it.

So how do we avoid laziness?

The answer is not to cut off your tongue, whether you like it or not. You cannot get off so easily. Self-consciousness plays a massive role in the quest for betterment, but what plays the largest role is the ability to bring yourself to do what you do not want, or to do whatever you have to to achieve the desired outcome. The mental ability and perseverance to ward off laziness is of essence. It is quite a pain to see people lazing around and living without a purpose, just sitting there and waiting for things to happen.

Can't people read more books?

Haha. Sorry for the lack of quality in this post. It seems that the two tests have taken more from me than I knew. Will update again soon.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Education

In the library again and finding little motivation to continue reading my book. Hmm I noticed how much I have changed since I entered JC education. I think so much more, and I always manage to identify my problems quite accurately. What is lacking in me is only the willingness on my part to nip these problems in the bud. Actually, not willingness. It is something like a barrier that I cannot overcome in my endeavours for a better life. It is a form of mental or spiritual laziness, maybe even reluctance, for I have nothing to motivate me for betterment.

Back again to the issues in life. I always find it refreshing to ponder upon the intricacies of life, in any aspect.

Education shall be the word for today. It has been the age-old art of the transfering of knowledge between human being. What is defined by education? To me, life in itself is a form of education. You learn from life. Even if a child is "uneducated", he/she would still learn a multitude of things from the people around them, and that is in fact another form of education. To me, successful education would be one in which all students learn about life and how to appreciate it. Personally, I would say that the arts would be the perfect route to take if academics were compulsory (once again I wonder why I am in the science stream), the arts help the human to appreciate the nature of human beings; the basic building blocks of life (emotions and feelings, not cells) and how these little blocks piece together to form complex structures which are mysteriously beautiful and intricate.

The arts would give students a better view of these structures. The arts would teach these students to appreciate the beauty and wonders which they encounter in every day life, however small they may seem. The arts would help an individual find meaning and direction in his/her life (be it good or bad, quote the example of Hitler, who was in close contact with the arts as well).

So what made me think of education?

Not just the prospect of satisfaction from success. Not just for the smiles and tears of joy. Not just for the teacher-student chemistry. Not just to pass on knowledge to the next generation.
I want to change lives.

Teachers have changed my life over these few years, and I am who I am because of these very special people. I cannot imagine what I would be like now if I had not been slapped awake with a smelly slab of rotten fish by my teachers. They changed my life and they moulded me into another person. A better one.

I want to be one of them. The group of people who keep the next generation going. The group of people who give themselves to the betterment of humanity. The group of people who lead the "blind" onto the right path in life.

The group of people who inspire.

With all that has been said, I give thanks for the teachers who shaped me. I can never be grateful enough.

Others who shaped me, that'll be left for later dates. Sorry that this post could have been so much better and with a more holistic point of view, but I don't feel really up to it just yet. Off I go to my book (:

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Page 177.

Regardless of the severity of a setback, no matter how dreadful a blow you sustained, you could always discover a bright side if you searched hard enough. The key to happiness, success, and mental health was utterly to ignore the negative, deny its power over you, and find reason to celebrate every development in life, including the cruelest catastrophe, by discovering the bright side to even the darkest hours.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Mundane Monday =.=

Alright, so its another mundane-Monday-morning-break blog update session. Since its a mundane Monday I shall start the ball rolling with an entirely mundane topic for you, reader. Books! My progress so far has been 6 books in the span of 3 weeks, having completed Jeffrey Archer's "Not a Penny More, Not a Penny Less" on Saturday. My endeavours to Bishan Library have finally paid off, with my recent possession of a Library card, and I have gone on to borrow four books by the awesome Dean Koontz. Two hecks of a genius indeed. I am so going to have a great week of reading accompanied by these pieces of literary genius.

School has been entirely pas exceptionnel for me, which is very sad but true. Boredom in school is as real and as perpetual as snowcaps melting in Antartica. What's more, its inevitable, and the situation would probably only change when humans start to cut off global electricity supplies so that Mother Earth would remain unharmed. Incomprehensibilis. Oh, and it's Library Week this week! All the more reason I should come to the library to pass time.

Nothing is happening right now. By right I should be feeling all relaxed and busking joyfully in one of the rare moments of liberation from humane activities, but contrary to that I'm just feeling tired of lazing around and wishing for something to do. Maybe I should read a book. Joke.

Here goes nothing. This is where I begin thinking.

Come to think of it, why is morality such a chore for humanity? Every single day in the course of History, I believe, has been marred by crimes. Acts of deceit and contempt ruled us without our knowledge, assuming control over us with every opportunity available. Over 70 million crimes are committed worldwide every year, which makes morality, or the lack of it, the largest stumbling block for us humans.

I quote This Momentous Day by H.R. White, having read it in a book. "Each smallest act of kindness reverberates across great distances and spans of time, affecting lives unknown to the one whose generous spirit was the source of this good echo, because kindness is passed on and grows each time it's passed, until a simple courtesy becomes an act of selfless courage years later and far away. Likewise, each small meanness, each expression of hatred, each act of evil." Love can surely spread, but we do have to note that hate can spread as well. It is unimaginable, to every extent, what evils would prevail over this earth if we choose to let it breed.

Yes, we can kill love.

From that act of courtesy you receive, if you cannot bring yourself to relay that love to someone else, you have killed a small portion of love by preventing it from spreading. Hate, on the other hand, goes ditto. Yes, we can kill hate, too. We can stop it from spreading, and at the same time induce others to learn to hate hate. It is amazing, how two basic building blocks of humanity, love and hate, are similar. They are infectious, they weaken, they motivate, they hurt. You get me, though. Love and hate are similar in properties, although they are very much diverse in purpose and foundation. If I may be slightly annoying, scientifically like hydrogen peroxide and water. Love and hate is such.

Previously I quoted Eliot that time past, time present and time in the future all exist simultaneously. Eternity lives in every moment of your life, my friend. Parallel universes may exist according to the Quantum theory, but all the more you, my friend, are unique. You are living your life based on choices, where you live a live of an infinity in every second. Wondrous as it is, well, speaking by figures, the probability of you living your exact combination of choices in life on this specific universe is one in infinity. Start believing others when they say that you are unique, for you are so, my friend, in every sense of the word.

This is where I stop thinking.

Hope I made myself comprehensible at least.

Friday, April 13, 2007

book parade

Iwamura is one heck of a player.

Right, so this is my second day of my 4-day rest week. Personally I would rather be in school instead of going through all these (which is really saying something), but in fact I have done the same thing at home as I would have done in school, only that I read without the 'interruptions' of lessons. I have finished "Seize the Night" and am into "Not a Penny More, Not a Penny Less" by Jeffrey Archer, the novel through which he shot to instant fame. I'd probably be done with that latest by tomorrow, after which I would have no idea as to what book to read.

"One Man's Bible" by Gao Xingjian does not really appeal to me (having read 4 chapters of it earlier today) as it is a version which has lost some meaning through translation to English. Awkward as it seems, I think I would put it down for the moment, for the novel dealt with deeper and uncharted territories of my heart. Maybe I would read it as soon as I get a hunger for Chinese novels, but I would start with "Soul Mountain" if that day ever comes.

Dean Koontz is one heck of a writer, and so is Jeffrey Archer.

Dean Koontz has total control over the intricacies of human relationships and sociality, along with mastery of dialogue and conversation, which places the reader completely in the shoes of the narrator. The reader is able to feel the kinship and camaraderie experienced. This, combined with an adequately subtle plot, gives rise to an entirely unique reading experience.

Jeffrey Archer, on the other hand, has complete mastery of the plot. He strikes with immeasurable cunning and pure genius, bringing factors into the story which would otherwise be somewhat incoherent, or largely unimaginable. His knowledge of the loopholes of modern systems and the inexplicable complexities of the human mind gives rise to an intriguing read.

As a reader, heck. I can only live in bliss of being able to have the best of both worlds in my hands for a great read. Pure intellectual satisfaction.

Emotionally, though, it is somewhat a different story. A story crafted by God- nothing of all that existentialism crap- which is in its entirety is a journey already planned out for me.

Eliot once said that time past, time present, and time in the future all exist simultaneously; anything that 'would-have-been' if any individual had taken a diverse course of action would be purely illusory. Maybe its true, but if it were so, what would be the point of living my life?

The answer would probably never come to me in a lifetime, for there are no answers to these questions which trouble me. I probably am a sort of renaissance man, one who resorts very much to thoughts instead of actions. These thoughts, though, are sometimes intertwined in such a complicating manner that it would be a miracle if I ever managed to clear my thoughts and get them straight.

Yeah, that's what I need.

A freaking miracle.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

>.<

I knew this was going to be the year. A 1-hitter against the Boston Red Sox for a 3-0 win.

Headache, nosebleed, fever, flu.
End up never go to school.

Pssshhhhhh. One of the rare instances of colloquial Singlish in my posts.

Learning is an ongoing process, which is very true. In our loss we see new hope for the future and opportunities for improvement. In loss we become better fighters for the future. Although yesterday was a defeat I could not swallow, given certain standards of the official. Many a strike was denied and strikeouts turned into walks. One hell of a hurdle to cross.

Nevertheless, the fight is not over. We are going to win the next three games and we'll see how things turn out.

I just realized all our important games are on away ground. Coincidence?

Doesn't matter. We are going to do it.

Parting from a friend makes me nervous.

Maybe I'm needy, neurotic, paranoid. Under the circumstances, of course, if I weren't needy, neurotic, and paranoid, I'd obviously be psychotic.

If we were always conscious of the fact that people precious to us are frighteningly moral, hanging not even by a thread but by a wisp of gossamer, perhaps we would be kinder to them and more grateful for the love and friendship they give us.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

=.=

Okay, another 1.5 hours of Mundane Monday break and I'm once again in the library making full use of the facilities and equipment. Nothing much is happening, as usual, and I just borrowed two new books from the shelves (sadly not picoults) but instead a book by a nobel prize winner and another by Jeffrey Archer. A nice enough change I guess, considering that Picoult reuses a considerable amount of information and both the books I have read so far involved paranormal investigators, babies, and the law. The book I am reading now, though, "Seize the Night" by Dean Koontz, has a parallel with the book "Second Glance" by Jodi Picoult. Both involved people suffering from Xeroderma pigmentosum - XP for those who aren't able to tie their tongues in knots- and how they led nocturnal lives plainly due to the fact that they are "allergic" to the Sun, or rather, UV rays.

Oh the wonders of the English Word and all its intricacies.

Ethan turned. "Lucy. We talked about this, remember? You were born a chicken, and I have this weirdo disease. So what? Only losers would stay that way forever."
"What if it's how we're supposed to be, and that's why we're like this?"
"That's crap," Ethan said. "I'll tell you what it was -- it was God taking a coffee break and some dumbhead filling in for him when it came to handing out all the cool genes." He stared at her. "If you couldn't change things, ever, what would be the point of growing up?"

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"People work too hard to figure out the meaning of their lives. Why me, why now. The truth is, sometimes things dont happen to you for a reason. Sometimes it's just about being in the right place at the right time for someone else."

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To Bobby, I said again, "I need your help."
"You can do it yourself. Just stand on a chair, tie a noose around your neck, and jump."
"Don't have a chair."
"Pull the shotgun trigger with your toe."
In any circumstance, he can make me laugh, and laughter keeps me sane.
An awareness that life is a cosmic joke is close to the core of the philosophy by which Bobby, Sasha and I live. Our guiding principles are simple: do as little harm to others as you can; make any sacrifice for your true friends; be responsible for yourself and ask nothing of others; and grab all the fun you can. Don't give much thought to yesterday, don't worry about tomorrow, live in the moment, and trust that your existence has meaning even when the world seems to be all blind chance and chaos. When life lands a hammer blow in your face, do your best to respond to the hammer as if it had been a cream pie. Sometimes black humor is the only kind we can summon, but even dark laughter can sustain.

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This part of the post is in response to the direct challenge made to me by the Tetris Lord.

I'm supposed to post 6 weird things about myself.

1) I was just walking into my room when my mother stopped me and asked me why my leg had some red stuff on it. I bent down and HOLY CRAP I was bleeding like free and not feeling any pain at all. My pain sensors are either weird or screwed up I guess. Let's hope I don't have like, some serious internal bleeding somewhere or whatever.

2) I like to make math equations out of almost anything. Sportsman+nerd+minimum social life=Jo

3) I am dead crazy about words. Any new word and I'll jump on it as if my life was at stake, especially for words like anorchous.

4) I am stupid and I cannot stand anyone smarter than me, which means that I cannot stand the whole world.

5) My emotions are either emo, empty, or heck care. Go figure.

6) I'm weird.

Friday, April 06, 2007

books!

Recently I've had so many things to think about, and so many writing topics with lots of potential for expression, but now I cannot remember any single one of them. I do remember how some of these ideas came to birth, but I cannot remember them.

So much for photographic memory.

I have been reading a lot, having completed two full books and three quarters of another in the span of two weeks, and I have had so many insights on life. Sometimes what is so thrilling in a book is to see a character who resembles you. Someone who feels what you have felt, and someone who knows what it feels like. Here are two excerpts from the book "Second Glance" by Jodi Picoult.

Ross shook his head. "When I do those things, it's not for the thrill. It's because sometimes I get so down that I need to feel something, anything. And since a pinprick isn't cutting it, I've got to try a meat cleaver."
"I know," Ethan breathed. "And that rocks."
"The thing is, Eth, I'd give anything to be sitting on a bed in a house that was safe, knowing that on the other side of the wall was someone who would rather die than think of me being hurt."

"Don't try so hard to be me," Ross said, "when all I'm trying to be is someone else."
Suddenly Ethan felt like a sock was stuck in his throat, and those stupid tears were coming. "I just want to be normal," he said.
"Yeah, well... if it weren't for you and me, normal people would have nothing to measure themselves against."
Ethan hiccuped on a laugh. "I guess we'd better stick together."

Thursday, April 05, 2007

fight

Well, the school library certainly has its uses, apart from the loaning of books and providing us with a good place to sleep. Yeah, this update is being typed in school, right in the middle of a totally unexciting and platitudinous day. Been ridden with an overwhelming headache since last night and now I'm wondering why I'm here in school in the first place, zombie-ing my day away.

Yesterday, as you may have already known, was our match against NJC. I did not expect much to turn out from it, actually. On the contrary, though, it turned out that we managed to rise to the occasion in full force. Well, by "we" I didn't mean all of us. Some of us, ostensibly, were not in the game at all. That is the main weakness of our team, not immersing themselves in the game and enjoying the process. All in all, though, it had been a good game, ending with a 9-0 victory. I wonder what would have happened if all the timely hits did not come like they did yesterday. I just hope that we would be able to maintain their focus, for no battle is over until the war is really over. We must not rest on our laurels (and shaky ones at that), and we must ride on our first success. No sign of weakness should be shown at any point of time, and no trace of sloppiness must be found in us.

We fought, and we fought well.

We fight, and we are going to fight well.

For all you know. we might need to fight in the shade.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Goals in Life

"If you loved someone, but you could not make the person stay, what would you do?", Coop said in a barely audible whisper.
"I don't know."
"Easy, you've done it before. You leave before you get the chance to see that person walk away."

Rough excerpts from the book "Plain Truth" by Jodi Picoult. It somehow struck me how cruel reality could be to the human. You take it, or you leave it, literally. Face the cold hard fact: when you love someone, the other party would not necessarily love you in return. In fact, the other party might not even give a damn at all. It is very much disturbing to see interpersonal interactions turn into something very much superficial.

Abigail van Buren once said, "The best index to a person's character is (a) how he treats people who can't do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can't fight back." Once I got down to opening my eyes to observe, this quote is in fact very true. It is such an eye opener to be in the background, you observe so many things that you would have missed otherwise.

The orphanage reading session today was great! Or at least I hope so. I wrote a story on softball for their reading material, and it was a passable story I guess? The lesson was carried out pretty smoothly and I felt so much satisfaction after that. Finally I am able to give back to the society, in return for everything it has done for me. In some ways, it is also giving me the experience I require to be able to teach properly during my June holidays when I get a trip back to Indonesia. Ambitions, I guess for now they're the only things I'm fighting for.

Another quote from "Plain Truth", "There's this little acronym I was taught in grade school - it's J-O-Y. It's supposed to make Plain children remember the Jesus is first, Others come next, and You are the last." True enough. I need that.

Sometimes you are unable to face your past, busying yourself over the present and worrying for the future seems to play a dominant role in humans today; few would retrospect. Avoiding the past would not be the way to go, for it would come back to haunt you. It always does.

As a person, think. What is your ultimate goal in life?

Money? Friends? Acceptance?

Happiness? Satisfaction?

Christ?