Sheep happens.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

I know what matters

I was foolish enough to let it affect me so much! Ohwell I really think foolishness knows no boundaries, especially for me, but I do learn from these experiences and benefit from them. I know what matters now, yes I do, and what matters definitely isn't me. If someone treats me bad, so what? If things don't go my way, so what? Yeah, I do make it sound really easy in this short sentence, because right now I can do it so easily. Let's hope it stays... I don't know what to do now that everything's pretty much over. All my projects and all the things I did in the past month or so have been so meaningful to me that I feel so lost now doing nothing. Do my homework? Study? These things are but ephemeral activities. Yes, I will study, but what I seek is eternal. Love, servitude, compassion, honor. These are the things which matter and the things which will define me as a person, a human being.

"I love not to be loved, but to share with others the most precious thing in this universe." That sentence came to my mind today, and to think I never thought I could think of something wise! Most of the time, if not all the time, I do something with that subconscious hope that I would get something in return. A word of thanks, a smile, or even a tiny nod of approval. I always look out for these subtle signs of appreciation, and I'll always get that negative feeling when I get no sign for something I've worked so hard for. I know its why I feel so down sometimes. It never feels good to know that you're so easily replaceable by anybody else, but I'm learning to block that feeling out.

I'm going to continue this learning journey with a smile on my face :)