Sheep happens.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

The Perfect Imperfect

Alright, here goes nothing.

I've been doing nothing seriously useful these holidays. Period. All the time is going into a solitary hunt for entertainment, where others rarely play a part or even make a dent in my action plans. I realise that all the while, softball is the one thing that keeps me from straying off. Having had to stop training because of my injured leg, it became somewhat clear to me that constant activity has somehow integrated itself into my life. I have to do something. I cannot stop until I'm exhausted. Being idle is a waste of your life.

Every second, I know, is precious. The problem is that I cannot bring myself to do what people deem as "useful", like studying. Even worse, I find no companionship for the things I want to do. Yeah, yeah. I can't even have proper fun.

If holidays really actually mean solitary confinement, I'd rather study all year. Exhaustion is so much more satisfying than idleness. Yeah, friends leave their mark in your life. How many, though, bother to constantly touch your life?

How many people derive their joy from your smile and your happiness?

Few. Maybe even none.

Maybe it's just Singapore. Maybe it's just the cold, hard world we're living in now.

I don't know how many times I have pondered over this question, but the only logical solution that comes to mind is to live off memories. Memories of the good times, memories of the jokes, the laughs, the joy, how we overcame the sorrows. Sadly, though, these memories can never come along with the realisation that your friends aren't what they used to be anymore. Or maybe you're the one who changed. The realisation that hey, your friends aren't there with you anymore. It's painful. New friends come, but they just can't take that space in your heart that was occupied by what you thought would be someone who'd fight with you to the end.

Maybe it was all just self-delusion in the first place. What does it matter now that it's gone? All you can do is to brace yourself for the uncertainty ahead. There are times in life when you feel invincible, like nothing can break you down, but you'll fall sooner or later. There are times in life when it seems that everything is going wrong, but you know the bad times won't last.

Maybe all we have to do is to find a middleground for us to live our lives in. What priorities do we set for ourselves? What do you value? Where does your happiness come from?

"Happiness" often comes from attainment. Yeah, I'll feel "happy" if I get four 'A's for A-levels, but is that really happiness? How do we find that happiness that truly lasts a lifetime? Pure joy and happiness come from faith and an unquenchable fountain of hope within, from peace and the love of peace, and from the ability to derive elation from the simplest of things. That stage would be what I call, "spiritual enlightenment".

Sometimes I feel it. Yeah. I feel it coming by, patting my shoulders for just a moment. Whatever I do, though, I cannot make it stay, and I know why it won't stay with me. It is like a flash of the past, often coming back to spur you on, often coming back to remind you of your faults.

Our faults are many, but how many people can say they tried their utmost best to right their wrongs?

The society now seems to thrive on human imperfections. Why can't we all thrive on perfection instead? Perfection does not have to be ideally perfect. What we're talking here is human perfection. If you're the perfect pitcher, it doesn't mean you have to pitch a perfect game every time.

If you're a perfect human, you don't have to be perfect.

You have to try, you have to know that you've tried so hard to live every breath of your life to your best, pursuing moral perfection and aiding your community. You have to try so hard to eradicate all your selfish thoughts, all your negative thoughts.

At the end of it all, you might have sinned. Alright. You might have cursed someone particularly annoying. Fine. You might have let your community down. Okay. But if in your heart, you know how much effort you have put in to perfect yourself, take heart.

You're the perfect human being, perfection born of imperfections.

Us humans, we're not perfect to start with, but we can be. That's where pure happiness can be found I say.