Sheep happens.

Monday, August 27, 2007

When the past catches up with you..

Okay. So global warming may or may not be a natural phenomenon, because the always-shallow me has conveniently left out the possibility of the unprecedentedly high CO2 levels in the atmosphere. Combined with the loss of the Seattle Mariners against the Texas Rangers yesterday, (and a possible one today, Mariners are trailing 1-3 in the seventh inning) my mood really really has to plunge into the immeasurable depths of negativity.

Again, I wonder why I am still feeling relatively okay. Alright. My life does not just revolve around environmental problems and the M's.

Before I say anything else, though, I would like to quote that the large hole in the ozone layer has patched up, all in the span of a mere decade or so. Now who said the environment is beyond rescue?

People say my posts are long and dry and everything unhappy. I am not so sure about this. Many posts were written in much happiness and many smiles (although admittedly some posts were written with much frustration), and even though most of these are just the supposedly "intellectually-stimulating" writings which I have little or no capacity for, I take pride in what I write.

Jo <3 his writings. Jo <3 his writings. They give him an escape into the past, and they often show him the way to go. They show him what his growing up process is like.

If you are interested enough to find out more about me (which is an undertaking I seriously doubt anyone will be interested in, but just for the sake of justifying myself), surf through my older posts. See how the kid grows up. See how little Jo saw life, and see how he sees life now. See how he changes (for the worse or for the better, I do not know, but he did change). By reading, seeing, watching little Jo grow up, you can almost see the path which lay ahead of him.

Almost.

He fights and he wavers. He loves life one moment and hates it the next. He thinks too deeply, then he thinks too shallowly. He snags knowledge, and then he misses out on it. He is elated, and then he is down in the dumps. One day he is ignorant, and the next day he is a Captain Planet.

That is just how things are with me.

Writing about myself in third person is quite fun.

So where is Life taking me to now? Where is Life taking everybody?

I miss my relatives back in Indonesia. My grandmother came here on transit the other day, and when I saw her I suddenly realised just how much I loved and missed her. I have lost much time with her and my grandfather, and I feel really guilty for not having done my fullest part as a grandson.

When I met her, I saw how frail she had become; how time was wearing her out slowly but surely. I very nearly wept at the very sight of her. I was sorry. I was so sorry for something I had no say in, I was sorry for the inevitable. I was sorry that I was not there all these years, when I should have been if not for the riots. I was sorry for having left them for so long, for letting them attribute their love of me only to memories, and for not letting them see me when they miss me.

Somehow I know they are with me, thinking about me and missing me, and I hope the same applies to them.

I just hope everything will go fine...