Sheep happens.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

feeling lonely and bored and underprivileged

Took me long enough to get my mind going again. So much has happened over the past week and so much has passed me by. I just don't feel like anything's going on anymore. It certainly is very unnerving when you find no meaning in anything you do, when others judge you with no good reasoning, when so many things pass you by when you know you could have taken control. I feel so helpless when these things happen. I don't know what to do. No one bothers helping.

I don't even feel like a student anymore.

Headache. Can't anything go right for me? Just once? It really is a pain to live a life with no meaning. Its me against all the odds, and I'm losing all the time.

Maybe things have gone the right way for me but I just cannot be bothered to notice? I don't think so.

I can list so many things I hate about life right now. From things in school and even how my computer lags, the list is almost endless. Come to think of it though, the list of things I love about my life right now has been shrinking slowly but steadily.

What is it that I have done wrong? Nothing really works out when I put my mind to it. Jack of many trades, master of none. Add one more line to it, "loser at so many more". I'm just so... average. My grades are average (or mostly below average), I'm average at softball and at any sport (sometimes way below average), everything about me is average. I cannot even trust myself with simple tasks. I feel quite alone again, not for the first time.

GRARRRRRRH.

I don't know who I'm begging, but can things please turn my way?