Sheep happens.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Angsty but happy.

I am not a believer of existentialism. I do not decide my own future and I never will, and I have to bring myself to accept that fact. I have to learn to trust and obey, to forgive and forget, and to live life the ideal way.

I am one who lives on impulse (not the physics one), and this impulse is getting me nowhere. I become indecisive, I come across as rash in action and I live a life rooted in feelings. My emotions are very unstable, which is why I have laid back to attain a rational cure for my personal emo-ness by retrospection.

I have great friends around me, and I really do appreciate all their care and concern, even though I may not really show it. I have a great family, and I really do appreciate everything they have done for me, even though I may come across as insolent and ignorant of them. I do have many awesome people around me, and I must say that I love you all.

I'm not saying it because Valentine's is tomorrow.

Talk about Valentine's, I don't know how to feel. I feel really lost when I walk around in shopping malls and I see couples walking around everywhere, but then again, what's in it for me? I would probably be spending too much time in softball, and the other party will feel neglected, and then it'll be byebye. That is my predicted relationship scenario, so I won't bother myself with it. I'll just be a sitting duck playing softball. Whether or not a swan comes, I'll leave it all to the One.

Really looking forward to tomorrow, mostly because the few of us are going to chill out. Awesome. Now the class has a singles' club.

I never expected 6G to be this way (:

Life has really been a roller coaster ride for me nowadays, with me being emo and all. Things are beginning to look much better, but I wouldn't be too optimistic. Presently, the glass is neither half-full nor half-empty for me, but I am trying very hard to be optimistic. Of course, everything would be with His help.

I have been drifting away from Him recently, and I believe this fact has been very obvious in certain aspects. My joy is gone, my spirit feels drained, and my mind is weak. I have to change, and I will. I'll begin by praying more. I seriously haven't been praying properly, and I haven't been reading my Bible. I haven't had the time to reflect, and I have stopped trying to lead a better spiritual life.

Oh boy, am I thankful I didn't train today. I feel so much better now, after chilling out and having the time to reflect.

I have to chill out more! :D